3DS NES Ambassador Quick Reviews
01 Sep, 2011
Not all of us were born during the time of 8-bit tunes and two-button controllers with razor-sharp edges that desperately needed a rubbery Wii condom to protect the fragile hands of children. There’s a chance that, because of your late birth, you see it as a blessing that a new generation will now be able to experience a collection of true classics for the low, low price of a gameless portable device. More importantly, we here at Elder Geek think it’s super imperative that every piece of creative property have a weighty review behind it. So, without further ado, here are some lightning fast reviews of your 3DS NES Ambassador downloads!
Without Duck Hunt, this is only half a game.
Just kidding. I think it’s safe to say that anybody who calls themselves a gamer has played through at least the first few levels of Super Mario Bros., and by played through I mean used the warp pipes. If you don’t own this game in one form or another by now (Super Mario All Stars counts), it’s as good a time as any to download it onto your 3DS even if you’re not part of the ambassador program.
The Legend of Zelda is two major things. (1) It’s a complex game that revolutionized the way people viewed storytelling and level design, and (2) it’s a beginners guide to using gamefaqs because you have no idea where anything is.
The first Zelda holds a place in my heart as the birth of epic storytelling through games. With huge dungeons, a massive overworld, fearsome bosses, and a princess to save, you’ll find no better title for your NES collection.
It is a well know video game mantra: “if something works the first time, change it completely in the sequel.”
While shunning tradition game logic, The Adventure of Link manages to still provide a solid experience for players willing to overlook the game’s black sheep status. Zelda II trades the isometric view for a 2D side-scrolling perspective and an arguably welcome change from typical Zelda fare. It also introduces a ton of mechanics never to be seen again in the Zelda series, such as controlled jumping, strategic crouching, random encounters, and an Final Fantasy style overworld map. Just don’t forget, if all else fails use fire (google it youngins).
If you’re expecting Metroid to be like its SNES successor you might be a little disappointed. You can definitely see where Super Metroid gets its inspiration from, but the original lacks some key ingredients that made its sexier Super Nintendo sister so much better. The most important one is the map. Unless you studied cartography and put it to use by drawing your own map as you play through Metriod, you’re going to get lost and most likely frustrated.
Do you love Mario but hate the constant allusions to bathroom maintenance? Well you’re in luck! Mario takes on the fast paced world of construction, hammering at 100 levels of puzzling demolition. Control Mario and Luigi as they deconstruct construction sites in an attempt to reach the goal. For a game so grossly overlooked and mismarketed, it’s actually quite fun.
This is one of those games that you turn on for a few minutes of fun. You fly around on your balloon and try to pop your enemies’ balloons while avoiding getting you own balloon popped. Unfortunately, being the master trolls that they are, Nintendo neglected to include multiplayer support saying instead that the “complete” version will be released later this year. Everyone knows 2 player Balloon Fight is way more fun than 1 player Balloon Fight, so hopefully it will be a patch instead of a new, paid version of the game.
Think Dr.Mario meets mediocrity. Yoshi is a classic puzzler that you might want to pass on. Basically, you match rows of falling monsters in between eggs to hatch a Yoshi. Once you do a few of these, you do more. It’s like making shoes in a third world country except there’s a chance that a green dinosaur will pop out and eat you—so slightly better.
Do you like golf? Yeah, me neither. How about playing a game about golf? That is my nightmare. In this title Mario does little to remedy the fact that this is still an old golf game where you judge the wind speed, pick your shot, pick your club, hit the ball and pray. If you look at the box art you will notice that Mario’s clothing is weirdly American flag themed. You would think he would represent Italy, but in this day and age he would be doing GTL and fist pumping. YEAH BUDDY!
Here is another game where Nintendo pulls the multiplayer rug out from under us and promises a full version later on. In case you were wondering, Ice Climber is where Popo and Nana from Super Smash Bros. come from. Climbing the mountain solo can get boring pretty quick, but the multiplayer is where it’s at. If you are feeling nice, you can play a wholesome video game and have fun, but if you feel like being a dick you can race up the mountain causing your friend to lose a life when the screen scrolls up… dick.
In true form of the NES portraying Mario as a relentless asshole, you play as Donkey Kong Jr. trying to rescue your captive father from the face stomping plumber imperialist. How did Mario get so popular when all he ever did was torture apes, play golf, tear down buildings, and overthrow turtle dictatorships? Well, you’ll get 4 unique levels to play in this adventure, which equates to about 20 minutes of fun. Enjoy.
Ambassadors can download all titles through the Nintendo 3DS eShop.
Written by Jesse Baguchinsky & Trevor Faulkner